MR ALGORITHM.

It’s Saturday, you’re walking through central London with your date looking for somewhere to eat. She looks stunning in her white dress and you’re in something just as good to match. The hungers kicking in and your date is getting irritated. You walk into the latest small plates restaurant that’s been trending on your algorithm that all the influencers told you to run to. The menu is an assortment of tiny dishes all smashed onto one page. Nothing really goes together, each more expensive than the last.

You order, wait, eat, and by the time the bill comes, you’re still hungry, a few hundred quid lighter, and confused as you try to convince yourself that it was worth it. You don’t think much of it for the rest of the night, but the next day it bothers you. You realise that it wasn’t a fine dining restaurant. It’s a trend masquerading one.

When I think small plates I envision sharing, tasting, experiencing, but here they rarely satisfy. Meals are supposed to nourish you, leave you feeling full, like you’ve got your moneys worth, but lets be honest £15.00 for a mouthful of a deconstructed mess isn’t value. It’s exploitation. Restaurants are taking advantage by giving small portions and charging high prices. Yes tapas work in Spain because it’s cultural, communal, and fun. But taking the small plate format and slapping it on a menu in central London fails the tradition. It’s a forced social media trend that has gripped its claws on UK diners. Let’s dive deeper.

A table covered in six to eight dishes looks a lot better online than one or two main dishes, and if your table looks good in photos you’re essentially doing their marketing for free. That’s why these places do well. Diners live for the hype. Meeting the newest kid on the block. Being the first to try the latest trending restaurant. That’s why you see so many people queuing just to buy a fucking matcha, as if it’s not gonna be the same milky, sugary, shite most places sell.

We’re not cooking for diners anymore. We’re cooking for instagram feeds and it’s killing the idea of a meal.

But of course it’s deeper than a social trend. High operating cost play a massive part in the overpriced small plates. Restaurants in the UK currently pay 20% VAT on food and drink that is sold which is a huge chunk on top of the base price. Rent for a small London site can easily be £10,000-£30,000 per month. Add staff wages, national insurance, and many other overheads, it stacks up quickly.

Produce is only getting more expensive. Food prices in the UK have risen 4.5% in a year, compared to the overall inflation of 3.5%. Poor weather conditions, the obvious being floods in the UK, but also droughts like we’ve seen this year that have impacted harvest yields in major regions. For instance hot and dry conditions lead to poor crop effecting the fruits and vegetables.

Geopolitical tensions also have a part to play. The increased oil prices, which in turn increase transportation, and production cost for suppliers.

Beef prices in the UK have surged in the last year, due to the combination of reduced cattle numbers, and an increased demand. The inflationary pressures, increased input costs, and labor shortages in the agricultural sector have all played a role in escalating production costs.

When you break it down small plates make sense. Each dish could cost anything from £1.00 to £5.00 to produce. Smaller plates mean smaller portions, which means less waste, and allows restaurants to charge £12.00 to £18.00 per plate. The genius scam is in the perception. Small plates feel like “build your own dishes, share with your friends” which encourage ordering more. On average each diner will order 3-5 small plates per visit, which pushes the total bill to £50.00 - £100.00 per person. And thats before factoring in the £15.95 cocktails. And for what? A few slithers? A few mouthfuls? A dish that comes when I’ve finished everything else? A salad that isn’t even a salad? Small plates aren’t a movement. It’s a money making gimmick dressed up as a trend, that leave you hungry after paying the bill.

You want my advice? Stop going out on an empty stomach.